All in Encouragement
Motherhood is about sacrifices. We sacrifice our bodies. We sacrifice our careers. We sacrifice our free-time, interests, hobbies, privacy, girls nights out, slow quiet mornings, stain free clothes, and pretty much anything else you held dear before cranking out a bunch of tiny humans that somewhat resemble a less tired version of yourself.
But motherhood isn't all bad.
They refuse everything you give them. You long for the days of old when a boob would suffice and you knew they were getting all the nutrients they needed. You worry that they aren't getting enough calcium or potassium. Oh crap! What about iron? Do you think they are getting enough iron?
Before having kids, you promised you wouldn't give your offspring Mac & Cheese every night. Instead, they'd be "cultured" and would like things like curry and sushi (at least the unauthentic cooked kind). Now you *actually* have kids and they don't eat squat.
Bedtime and Naptime have been a major struggle at our house the past couple of weeks. In that everyone is refusing to do it.
I don't know what it is about these times of day that is so draining, but they are. By the end of the day, the grace has run out. The prospect of sitting with a glass of wine, watching a show without any educational value is just around the corner, but these little people won't let you! They know life goes on after they are in bed and they are struggling with major #FOMO
My whole life I dreamt of being a mom. It's literally all I've ever wanted to do in life. I prayed for a sweet baby that I could love and play with and raise with my amazing husband.
Mom. MOM. MOOOooooOooooOOOOOOM!
I see you, mama. Hiding in the shower, eating chocolate so your body can have the sugar it needs to not lose your shit. Maybe if you wait it out, they will fall asleep. Obviously that is a joke, because in what universe do your children ever fall asleep?! It is reasonable to assume that they may forget what they needed your help with and get distracted with something else. Here's to hoping.
"But being a stay-at-home mom was the loneliest kind of lonely, in which she was always and never by herself." - Barbara Kingsolver
Motherhood is isolating.
Even with all of the park meetups and community classes where you are around other parents and kids, there is still an emptiness that comes with being a mom.
Yesterday we hit the trifecta of home ownership issues. Do you notice how, like with famous people dying, house issues hit in 3s? The air conditioning went out. A handful of electrical outlets decided to stop working, including the one our fridge likes to be plugged into. Then someone (*cough*me*cough*) left a rotisserie chicken carcass in our outdoor trash and it is now infested with maggots which are becoming flies which are wanting to get into our house because all of our windows are open. #firstworldproblems, I know.
"I see those moms who are bending down to their kid's level, speaking in a soft tone as their child quietly does what they say. How come that doesn't work for me?" I shared with my mom the other day as I was lamenting over the fact that I'm not the quiet, gentle-spirited mother I always dreamt I'd be.
"Those moms are just different than you." My mom explained that softer quieter souls breed softer quieter (aka more submissive) children. "Your home will always be a little more volatile than other homes, because you are...spirited."
The biggest struggle in motherhood is probably our own stupid brains. Yes, our offspring cause some issues and wear us down with their nagging and need to eat 3 meals a day (which sometimes feels like ten million meals a day), but the thing that causes me the most strife is my brain.
I love mornings with this boy. He usually gets up before everyone else and does his own thing quietly. He is independent and curious so he loves the freedom of mornings where he can explore our house without limits or a sister stealing his ideas. I'm learning to give him the space he needs to learn and grow.
Everyday my husband walks in through the door and my children run full speed, trying to cut corners which never works given that corners are made from walls and walls can hit you in the face if you run into them. They brush it off and keep on running, all the while yelling his name over and over with the level of excitement that makes me assume he must be made of ice cream covered in sprinkles and presents. Every day between 5:30 and 6:00pm, my husband is greeted with enthusiasm and joy. The kids run into his long arms and squeeze him with with all they have. They tell him they love him and they tell him they missed him.
"Be honest, you are a messy person in general." I could tell he was watching the words slowly leave his mouth as if they were being physically written in the air like a painfully cliche airplane sky writing proposal. I'm sure he was wishing he could grab those words, pull them back and shove them into his mouth before they reached my ears. If the regret of speaking that phrase didn't kill him, my "oh, heeeeeellllll no" stare would probably do the job.
Every single day, I feel unqualified to write or talk about how hard momming actually is. I look around at friends with twins, or triplets or 4 kids or 6 or 7 kids and I watch them thrive as mothers. I watch their children fall in line like ducklings when their mama calls them. I watch their children play nicely. I see those healthy, well-balanced meals they pin or share on Instagram and I can't help but think "what is wrong with me that I can't even handle two kids?"
I've been gone quite a while. It almost makes me feel unqualified to come back, but lately I have been hearing the Lord gently say to my heart "Speak to women." And then today, I received an email from one of you who shared your heart with me and reminded me that this is important. So, forgive my absence and thanks for letting me share my life with you.
I recently turned 29 and every single day I have a mini panic attack about how I have to get my act together before I turn 30. Taking an outside look at my life, I am doing pretty well. I'm married to an awesome guy, have 2 kids and a dog, and run a semi-successful business that allows me to stay home with my kids during the day. While I've accomplished things and have everything I could ever have wanted in life up to this point (seriously, Glory to God here), I still fear I'm not adulting to my fullest potential. Yet.
I so want to be one of those women you see on the internet who DOES IT ALL. You know - all of the the things. She raises well-behaved children, runs a successful business out of her home on top of maintaining a blog that encourages women while generating income for her family. Her house is clean and organized and looks like an anthropolgie ad. She actually has six-pack abs (you know it from her instagram account) and makes healthy balanced Whole30 meals for her entire family every night and her kids LOVE it. She always has her hair curled and make up on (but not too much make up, just enough to make her look refreshed without seeming to try too hard). On top of all this she is an active servant in her church AND reads her Bible, journals and prays on the reg.
I had a friend who was about to have her third babe and she shared, "Giving birth is one of my favorite things ever." At the time I was pregnant with my first babe and thought she was crazy (I mean she was pregnant, so she probably was a bit crazy). This was the first time I had ever heard something positive about giving birth. I was bombarded with horror stories about birth. Everything that can go wrong. The pain. The watermelon coming out of a pea size hole. The screaming. You've heard it all before, so I won't go into detail.
So Kate and William gave birth to their second royal less than a week ago. I feel a special connection to the gorgeous Kate Middleton because I have been pregnant with Kate not once, but twice. And, like Kate, I had son in 2013 and a daughter in 2015. AND I was also totally beautiful 10 hours after giving birth (cue laugh track please). So obviously, we are twins and soul sisters.
Pregnancy is hard. Marriage is hard. Put them together and they can be super duper hard. The weeks and months leading up to pregnancy are exciting. They are filled with sex and baby names, but mostly sex. So needless to say, marriage is pretty strong at that point. The first couple weeks into pregnancy are fun and exciting too. You and your husband have a big secret about a tiny person and the emotional intimacy that comes along with sort of secret is unreal! Then week 6 hits (about 2 weeks after finding out about your bean)...
So you just found out you are pregnant! You've been having non stop sex for months (yay!!) and have peed on a thousand little sticks waiting for that second pink line to show itself in all its infinite glory and finally it does! You laugh, you cry, you pick out names for if it's a boy or if it's a girl. Your pillow talk is giddy and exciting and you agree to keep it a secret until 12 weeks, just in case.
