My whole life I dreamt of being a mom. It's literally all I've ever wanted to do in life. I prayed for a sweet baby that I could love and play with and raise with my amazing husband.
"But being a stay-at-home mom was the loneliest kind of lonely, in which she was always and never by herself." - Barbara Kingsolver
Motherhood is isolating.
Even with all of the park meetups and community classes where you are around other parents and kids, there is still an emptiness that comes with being a mom.
"She laughs without fear of the future."
I say that verse over and over but I have yet to take it on as my own identity. Maybe I need to say it in first person? Who knows.
It was like as soon as my first child was placed in my womb, I was also given a ball of anxiety that sits in my gut or my chest or somewhere in my body that is super annoying. My fears are a hearty mix of practical and totally irrational.