The Karma of Parenting
You know our good friend Karma, right? What goes around comes around. How many times have you looked at a young mom struggling with her screaming toddler in the cereal isle and you think to yourself, "that kid just needs a little structure and discipline" only to find yourself two minutes later dealing with a total uncontrollable meltdown of your own in the chip isle? That's the karma of parenting.
Or maybe your first kid jived perfectly with the "Sleep Wise" system and you preached "SCHEDULE SCHEDULE SCHEDULE!" And, "eat, play sleep!" To anyone and everyone whether they wanted to hear it or not. Then your second babe came around and no matter what you did or how hard your tried, she didn't sleep through the night until 18 months. That's the karma of parenting.
Once you think you have your shiz together and you nod at your reflection in the mirror and think, "yeah, baby, I got this," you immediately don't got it.
I call it "karma" because frankly it fits, but this isn't exclusive to Hinduism. "Pride comes before destruction and an arrogant spirit before a fall." (Proverbs 16:18)
Mamas, every time we judge one another, we are opening ourselves up for an opportunity to get our foot stuck in our mouths. This happens to me almost daily. I hate myself for it and am always working on being more humble especially in my parenting. If I don't choose to be humble, my kids will do it for me.
Motherhood is about sacrifices. We sacrifice our bodies. We sacrifice our careers. We sacrifice our free-time, interests, hobbies, privacy, girls nights out, slow quiet mornings, stain free clothes, and pretty much anything else you held dear before cranking out a bunch of tiny humans that somewhat resemble a less tired version of yourself.
But motherhood isn't all bad.
They refuse everything you give them. You long for the days of old when a boob would suffice and you knew they were getting all the nutrients they needed. You worry that they aren't getting enough calcium or potassium. Oh crap! What about iron? Do you think they are getting enough iron?
Before having kids, you promised you wouldn't give your offspring Mac & Cheese every night. Instead, they'd be "cultured" and would like things like curry and sushi (at least the unauthentic cooked kind). Now you *actually* have kids and they don't eat squat.
Pregnancy after loss - for some reason I was in denial that the possibility of a miscarriage would happen to me... until it happened. I ended up having a d and c and after that was planning on waiting a few months to start trying again and then BAM... pregnant, about 2 weeks after the procedure.
I wasn't filled with excitement or the tears of happiness that I was with my first. I instantly felt anxiety and my head filled with all the 'what ifs' and it didn't go away until my son was in my arms. I never felt like I would actually get my baby. Ultrasounds were the worst for me (that's how I found out I lost my first), I went in blissfully unaware anything was wrong.
As a parent I want the best for my children, but I am exhausted by all of the things our culture tells us our kids need to do in order to succeed. I look at my social feed and see my peers with their toddlers and preschoolers talking about preschool applications or shuffling their littles from dance to swimming to soccer. And I wonder, am I missing the mark?
Bedtime and Naptime have been a major struggle at our house the past couple of weeks. In that everyone is refusing to do it.
I don't know what it is about these times of day that is so draining, but they are. By the end of the day, the grace has run out. The prospect of sitting with a glass of wine, watching a show without any educational value is just around the corner, but these little people won't let you! They know life goes on after they are in bed and they are struggling with major #FOMO
My whole life I dreamt of being a mom. It's literally all I've ever wanted to do in life. I prayed for a sweet baby that I could love and play with and raise with my amazing husband.
Mom. MOM. MOOOooooOooooOOOOOOM!
I see you, mama. Hiding in the shower, eating chocolate so your body can have the sugar it needs to not lose your shit. Maybe if you wait it out, they will fall asleep. Obviously that is a joke, because in what universe do your children ever fall asleep?! It is reasonable to assume that they may forget what they needed your help with and get distracted with something else. Here's to hoping.
I once was a mom of #2under2. That had it's many challenges. It's like having 2 babies, but babies who have different needs and are in two totally different developmental stages. In that first 6 months of having two under two, we all cried every single day. Then once my little one turned 1, it started to get easier and every day after that got easier and easier.
My kids are now 2 and 3 and they are BFFs, except when they are not.
I am a very "go with the flow" parent (which I know is a weird combo with my helicopter parent tendencies). I play each day by ear all in the name of "play" and "experiencing childhood" with my kids. I love to be spontaneous and keep our lives free for whatever we *feel* like doing.
You know what does not mix with a free range mama? Toddlers and preschoolers.
Every journal I’ve ever had has been filled with notes like this. Not saying this is a journal but the sentiment is the same. This is the post where I assume you’ve been wondering where I’ve been. I actually laugh thinking about it right now. Not at you wondering where I’ve been, but thinking about my high school journal wondering why I had not written in a while. I like to think I’m not alone in this - in the need to explain to a book filled with paper why I’d been so neglectful. Maybe it was shame. Maybe I was afraid that I needed a real reason to explain my lack of discipline. Maybe I just wanted future me to know what was happening between my long dry spells.